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the urge a dan and phil fan fiction bydan howell it was a crisp winter's night in london england it was that particular time in latejanuary where there was no longer any frost but simply biting cold air andwhat felt like a completely empty atmosphere dan howell was walking down the road histall black silhouette cast shadows from the artificial amber glow of streetlamps his breath formed swells of mist with every exhalation and he decided toslide his exposed hands inside his coat pockets to retain some warmth

the street was empty at this time andhis footsteps echoed up and down around him only interrupted by the cruisinghome of a taxi driving past he wasn't totally alone after all danhad time to think on this journey time to think about what had happened thenight before the events are played in his head so many times over that hedidn't know whether he could trust their accuracy or if his own perceptions hadrewritten how the events unfolded anyway he thought about it one thing wascertain his friend phil lester was dead phil always had a habit of being in theworst place at the worst time it was an endearing quality that often resulted infunny stories from to share with his

friends or followers on the internet hewas a kind person perhaps that's why he was singled out asa victim it wasn't fair a painful stab of recollection is shotthrough dan's brain as a forcing itself through a wall that he had built toprotect himself he saw it again the dead lifeless eyes the way it movedso swiftly out of the darkness the blood the blood was the most vivid memory ofall dan had somehow found himself collapsedin the corner unable to move but out of the corner of his eye he saw the crimsontrail of his friends life weaving around the cobblestones of the street and downa drain

dan saw his hand twitching those lastmoments of resistance and hope that something someone would be able to savehim then it stopped that is the last time he saw phil lesteralive dan arrived home at their apartment itfelt wrong opening the door to the living room theusual bright colors of their possessions seemed inappropriate disrespectful evenhow could anything dare to be so bright at this time who turned off the lights and collapsedon the gray carpet of the hallway sleep the next

day was to be phil's funeral dan had nointerest in going his friendship with phil was personal tohim and not something he wanted to share with family and friends who would meanwell but insult with every word of comfort he decided that even if you had toattend physically he would be somewhere else in his mind he had to dan remainedsilent and stoic through the service people left to return to their lives therelatives trading condolences leaving down alone in the room with the coffin he didn't want to look it will be realif he saw he wanted to run away as fast

as he could from this nightmare but hehad to see dan strode over engaged into the box lifeless even with phil's typically pale skin youused to see the warm glow of life within all that could be seen here was thesickly pale green color of death dan went to turn away to walk out of theroom into a life where everything familiar was gone when something grabbedhis wrist don't go it's okay dan turn to see thesame pale skin here just burned into his memory gripping at his shirt he looked up slowly to see his deadfriend sat bolt upright

dan ran not stopping to blink breathe orprocess a single thought he sprinted out of the back exit and all the way acrossthe grounds of the building to underneath the tree he vomited it wasn'treal he was hysterical he tried torationalize the thoughts in his head as he shook his eyes with distress dan stop running i'm not going to hurtyou who spun around to see phil standing upright as if completely fine with hishands forward as if anticipating dan's irrational behavior you can't i mean this can't be real dansaid grasping behind his back to try and

hold onto the tree as if it was atethered to reality you know i'm real dan this is real and ithink you know why no dan shouted and pushed philbackwards and utter disbelief phil grabbed dan's wrists and pinned himagainst the tree dan could feel the sharp edges prodding uncomfortably intohis back as if the tree itself was pushing him towards the nightmare it was a vampire the words penetratedinto dance head and seemed to pull down on his soul is if everything had beentrying not to believe in the last two days was sinking like quicksand

i don't know how or if that's exactlywhat it is but it explains it well enough phil said in a calmer tone clearly aware of dan's slow realizationyou aren't the real phil dan said in a flat emotionless tone hishead was bowed and phil's grip it seems dan wasn't trying to resist anymore if what you're saying is true you wantphil you just a beast possessing his body he looked up and stared into phil'seyes he didn't see the bright blue pools of life that he used to he sawemptiness

he must be right phil stared back atdancing his brown iris is blazing with fury phil let his grip loosen for asecond dan realized and swung a punch as hard as he could hitting philsquare in the jaw phil reach towards his lip blood he looks down at it in a strange way andglanced back up a dan who almost seemed to be expecting something phil decidedto wipe the blood on his shirt i won't lie, phil sad rearranging hissuit jacket and sweeping his black hair away from his eyes i feel different i feel urges

i still know who i am what i do for thedifferences between right and wrong and yet something within me something primal shut up dan said clenching his fist andvisibly shaking with rage you are not my friend and if i have todestroy his body to give him peace do not think that i won't dan spunaround reaching for the sharp wood that was cutting into his back in one shortmotion he snapped the branch and immediately swung towards phil who as ifin slow motion lent backwards smacked the branch from dan's hand and grabbedhim by the throat dan's head banging against the tree witha force that shook leaves from the

branches falling over the boys shoulders his breath was heavy he could feel thebeads of sweat forming on his forehead this was fear he tried to move but theforce his friend was applying to his neck seem to immovable and impossible phil stepped closer until their nosestouched and looked dan directly in the eyes i could kill you every fiber of my beingis urging me to tilt your head back and bite your neck but i can choose not to what dan said spitting out warmth beforetaking a huge gasp i don't want to kill

you i want you to join me dan felt his heartdrop in pressure and overwhelming stillness way through his body until hewas stunned into silence no please he started you don't have achoice but i do appreciate it said phil thinkabout it dan things can continue like normal we cantell everyone it was one of those miracle situations where i was neveractually dead we can go back to her apartment andcontinue our normal lives with some

dietary adjustments i guess dan had completely lost his ability tothink part of it made sense maybe it would be okay if he didn't haveto lose his friend or his own life he knew it wasn't true though even thoughphil was right in front of him there was no breath coming out of hislips the only sensation he experienced was the damp chill of phil's skin pressingagainst his just then dan noticed a man who must be thegroundskeeper walking by in the distance dan had made his choice and he knew itwould be the right one help dan shouted shaking as hard as hecould causing phil to almost loosen his

grip he's trying to kill, it then he felt ittoo sharp stabs pierced the skin of his neck dan dropped his arms and buckledhis knees he had lost phil moved in closer pinning dan's bodyagainst the tree as he gulped gallons of thick blood through his teeth and downhis throat phil almost felt himself losing controlfeeling a desire to completely give into a more powerful force within himself no he said pulling away feeling theblood run down his neck past the collar of shirt

quickly he raised his wrist and piercedhis own veins drink he ordered pressing his wrist againstands mouth dan with the last moments of his feeding energy attempted toresist pitifully shrugging his shoulders it wouldn't be enough his naturalinstinct to breathe opened his lips and the pungent taste of iron filled hismouth and flowed across his tongue dan's vision faded to black blinkingvision hazy and unclear a yellow light a white ceiling after what seemed like a dreamy eternityunable to move dan's eyes focused and notice the familiar patterns of hisbedroom ceiling

he was home had it all been a dream dan asked himself this is he reached a touch his bare chest with his fingers he couldstill feel surely that meant he was still alive hishand stopped palm lying flat over his chest he triedto focus all senses on detecting something anything no pulse he looked to the right tosuddenly notice phil sitting in a chair leaning over his bed how do you feel he asked with whatseemed like a degree of confidence dan's eyes darted up and down trying todecide what he made of this person or

whatever it was sitting next to him heset up and swung his legs over the bed lifting his head up with a strange newassuredness he had never felt before he locked eyes with his friend hungrydan said feeling within him an urge a biological mission he now felt he had tobegin me to feel said with a smirk why don't we go find someone to eat theend

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